If all goes as it should, this blog post goes live on Christmas Day. However you're spending it, I hope it's a lovely one.

I also want to take this opportunity to promote small and indie press going into 2025. I appreciate the large publishing houses reaching out and sending me ARCs, and I will always believe that good books can come from absolutely anywhere. But between the ongoing difficulty of getting seen on social media and the growing difficulty of navigating AI-generated content, we need your help more than ever. If you read a book and loved it, leave a review on your book buying/reviewing platform of choice. I do the same for everything you see here, because every little bit helps.

And with that PSA out of the way, it's time to review books I've had recommended to me and been putting off reading. There are only two for this update, but one of those two books is actually several books in one, so I hope that's all right.

See you all in the new year!

FABIUS BILE: THE OMNIBUS
by Josh Reynolds

James Bojaciuk of 18thWall recommended this collection of books to me after introducing me to Fabius Bile via a Star Trek/Warhammer crossover campaign.

Fabius Bile is, even by the standards of modern Warhammer 40K, a complicated person. Once the chief Apothecary, he has now taken it upon himself to remake humanity, ushering in a new age of Man. But as he pave the way for homo novus, he leaves other atrocities in his wake: twisting flesh and bone to create bizarre mutants, remaking figures from his own life, and preserving himself for as long as possible so he can preserve his grim work.

In this collection of three books and three short stories, we follow Bile as forces greater than himself (a thing he refuses to acknowledge) attempt to weave him into their plans. Daemons attempt to bend him to their will, including his gene-father and the woman he would dare to call "daughter." Harlequins attempt to guide him and his allies into their proper roles in the great story of the universe. And by the end, Bile will have to face down his own mortality... just not in the way he expected.

I admit that my knowledge of Warhammer does not expand into 40K, but lack of knowledge has never scared me off a Josh Reynolds joint. These books are dense with both lore and gore, and someone better versed in the setting will likely find all sorts of familiar things to enjoy. Appropriately, the visuals are disgustingly vivid, to the point that Melusine's demonic presence feels almost like a respite amidst vivisection and barely-aware human experiments. But even with the lack of knowledge, and occasionally feeling like I was neck-deep in information I'd never fully parse, I love this extended character study of Fabius Bile. He's a hideous man with something akin to good intentions buried deep down, and it's refreshing to see a character like this presented warts and all, rather than artificially glorified by the author. He's a fascinating, Frankensteinian figure, and if anything this book makes me want to know more about the eras of 40K in which he had a hand.

THE LONG WAY TO A SMALL, ANGRY PLANET
by Becky Chambers

Two people—housemate Phoenix and friend Rob—both recommended and lent me this book. I first discovered Becky Chambers via her Monk & Robot series, the first book of which I reviewed for the now-defunct Sci Fi Magazine.

Rosemary is starting a new life far from her home of Mars, with a new last name and a new job. On board the Wayfarer, a ship whose job is punching holes in the fabric of spacetime to make interstellar tunnels, she'll be in charge of paperwork. But her interspecies studies courses, while making her an excellent fit for the job, haven't fully prepared her for everything ahead of her.

The crew of the Wayfarer has only a few other humans aboard—including captain Ashby, engineers Kizzy and Jenks, and algae specialist Corbin. Reptilian pilot Sissix brings with her a very different view of family and affection. Ohan, a Sianat Pair, is a navigator whose mind has been altered by lethal virus their species believes to be sacred. And then there's Dr. Chef, the cook and medic, whose endangered species is foreign even to Rosemary. As they take on a new job paving the way to a warlike planet, Rosemary connects with her crew and learns more about them than her classes could ever have taught.

Becky Chambers is an exceptional writer, and this introduction to her Wayfarers series is no exception. Many stories that attempt to address issues of diversity will insist on setting up a "good" and "bad" side—and while in some cases that's a valid approach, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet is much more circumspect in its view of meeting and acknowledging other cultures. Everyone is strange to everyone, and in some cases deep-seated ethical views complicate important decisions. For example, is it okay to save a person's life if it goes against their beliefs? This story acknowledges that, in most cases, there's not a single right and perfect answer to be found and achieved—rather, we're all here to help each other, and it's all right if we make mistakes along the way in that attempt.

 

If for some reason you've not had enough of my articles on Crunchyroll, Otaku USA, or Boss Rush Network, it's time to grab some off the newsstand! The Otaku USA Magazine Winter 2025 issue is now on sale, and I have four contributions in this one. Best of all, they're all for shows I really loved in recent seasons.

My one entry in the review section is Pseudo Harem, a dark horse favorite from recent seasons. What could have been a fanservice/wish-fulfillment series is actually both an adorable rom-com and a showcase of Saori Hayami's amazing voice acting ability.

Speaking of shows I wasn't expecting to love, my first feature is on Makeine: Too Many Losing Heroines! This coming-of-age series follows a light novel loving boy and three real-life "losing heroines": the third point of the love triangle who doesn't get the guy. In my feature, I talk about how well this series explores what actually happens to these seemingly disposable characters.

Next is a feature on my fave of the season: No Longer Allowed in Another World. This "anti-isekai" reincarnates legendary author Osamu Dazai in a fantasy world where other isekai heroes have turned their cheat powers to evil. It's a great look at what (much of) the isekai genre has become, why it's become that way, and what it could be. Also, I get to talk about classic literature, so you know I'm happy.

Finally, at least for me, is a review of Dahlia in Bloom: Crafting a Fresh Start with Magical Tools. In terms of isekai, my tastes tend to run toward "protagonist just wants to have a nice time" stories and "reincarnated as the villainess" stories (which have some overlap, admittedly). Dahlia in Bloom falls into the former category, but there are also some really lovely themes of being true to yourself and receiving appreciation for your work.

The new issue is on newsstands now. And if you want more articles like these on a regular basis, keep an eye on the Otaku USA website!

 

Photo by Joanna Kosinska

It's December and it's book review time again! Don't forget, I'm doing reviews over on Boss Rush Network as well (including my recent review of The Forbidden Visions of Lucius Galloway). This is where I'll be putting the majority of sci-fi, fantasy, and spinoff book reviews going forward.

Thanks as always to the authors and publishers who send advance copies my way!

BENEATH THE POET'S HOUSE
by Christa Carmen
Now available

After the sudden death of her husband Jonathan, novelist Saiorse White starts over by moving back to Providence. When she moves into her new home, once occupied by poet and spiritualist Sarah Helen Whitman, she finds something unexpected in her basement: a trio of transcendentalists who call upon the "Divine Poet" for inspiration. In spite of the initial strangeness of their meeting, Saiorse and the trio become fast friends, and their late-night activities even appear to shift her writer's block. But they aren't the only strange people she meets. Nearly as soon as she arrives, Saiorse finds herself in a whirlwind romance with Emmit Powell: a Pulitzer Prize-winning author whose works, philosophy, and life overall mirror those of Edgar Allan Poe. A strange coincidence, since Poe himself romanced Sarah Helen Whitman.

However, even Saiorse's new friends find the whole scenario a bit strange. Is their relationship a residual haunting—an echo across time of Poe's ill-fated love for Whitman—or something more sinister? As Saiorse navigates paranormal happenings and dark memories of her husband's final days, as well as the increasing attentions of her husband's best friend, she must decide what to do about Emmit. In the best case scenario, they could inspire each other; in the worst, she could be in great danger.

While the plot and characters of Beneath the Poet's House are riveting, especially for lovers of Gothic literature, the prose can occasionally feel a bit stilted. If Emmit were the only character given over to histrionics, it could be written off as a character trait, and a very apropos one for him. However, spoken words by other characters (including and especially Saiorse) don't feel especially natural, even for lovers of the written word. This is a problem in a book where one of the main issues at play is the protagonist's ability to catch a narcissist in the act of putting on a persona. It can become difficult to tell what is a character trait we should be aware of and what is simply the writer's style. The over-the-top parallels between Powell/White and Poe/Whitman (down to the names) become more forgivable when the third act kicks in, but it occasionally feels like the author doesn't trust the reader to catch these very blatant parallels. So, while the story itself is fantastic—an important conversation about being trapped in a dangerous relationship—its setting reaches high and falls a bit short.

BY WAY OF PARIS: A NOVEL
by Christopher J. Newman
Now available

Luke's plan was to explore Europe before starting a writing program in London. It was not to get blackmailed into hiding a stranger's body in Paris. But after that terrifying night with his best friend Cash, he hopes to leave the past behind him and pursue his dream of being a writer. His curiosity gets the better of him, though. Following a lead from his blackmailer, he befriends a gang leader named Shane and the other young men receiving "work" from him. Before long, Luke finds himself comfortably in with this group: doing violent drug deals by night and vaguely fictionalizing them for his writing course by day. The money is good, and the new family he's found is there for him much more than his real family back in North Carolina.

But things quickly fall apart. Between Luke's own loose lips, his many injuries, and his violent temper, he makes a name for himself that gets back to his school. His growing animosity with Profit, a member of a rival gang, causes trouble for everyone around him. Even the girl he fancies is warning him off his current trajectory. Misfortune strikes Luke many times, but it isn't until it strikes someone else that he realizes something needs to change. 

By Way of Paris is couched as what it is in real life: a Master's thesis. And it's understandable why this has received recognition. Luke as a character is complex and troubled, but he rises above his nihilistic forebears by the end of the book. He sees himself, as he reminds us regularly, as the protagonist of his own story. But this way of thinking is extremely dangerous for himself and for everyone else around him. Books like this often end up being very dark and self-destructive, and there is a bit of that in By Way of Paris, but it's ultimately a hopeful story about breaking the cycle of abuse and violence. And even in its darkest scenes, it's a love letter to London—not its more iconic locations, but the out-of-the-way places and daily routines that are bizarrely easy to fall in love with.

MURDER IN SEASON: A LADY OF LETTERS MYSTERY
by Mary Winters
Now available

Countess Amelia Amesbury, widow of the late Edgar Amesbury, lives a double—perhaps even triple—life. When she isn't representing the Amesbury family alongside her in-laws at London's finest gatherings, she's solving problems for her readers as Lady Agony. And when she isn't doing that, she's solving murder mysteries alongside her best friend Kitty and her will-they-won't-they "friend" Simon. But her latest escapade hits closer to home than usual. Amelia has been asked to introduce her younger sister Madge into high society (and to get Madge out of Somerset for a bit after she broke a young man's arm to stop his unwanted advances). It would seem Amelia's sister's secret has followed her, leading to a certain Arthur Radcliffe giving her trouble at the Amesburys' party. So when Radcliffe dies that night, seemingly poisoned, all eyes are on Madge.

While Madge is hardly bothered, a vengeful detective from Scotland Yard won't rest until he's pinned the murder on Amelia's younger sister. Thus, Amelia devotes all her resources to clearing Madge's name... or she would, if a spate of robberies hadn't broken out on the same night. With the her aunt Tabitha's diamond brooch missing and other fine pieces of jewelry disappearing, Amelia divides her time between sniffing out a high society murderer and consulting fences about the missing gems. As she navigates Mayfair's many dark secrets, she must also navigate her relationship with Simon. Does her late husband's old friend share her feelings, or is he only by her side for the adventure that comes with investigating murders.

If this is your first introduction to the Lady of Letters Mysteries, never fear: Winters weaves all the backstory in. While it's clear there's more to read if you fancy it, readers stumbling in after the introduction won't feel adrift: a difficult, but important, task for writers of series. The Bridgerton parallels are both obvious and deliberate, but the characters are their own. (Yes, there's more than a little Lady Danbury in Aunt Tabitha, but we should have more Lady Danburys.) It's a perfect intersection for lovers of murder mysteries and lovers of high society romantic drama. And if you're a fan of slow burn romance, Amelia and Simon will be your new obsession.

PORCELAIN: SHADOWS OF HYSTERIA BOOK 1
by Jesse Sprague
Now available

Gabrielle just wants to live like every other college girl: dress pretty, go out, maybe even have a boyfriend. But her past continues to haunt her, no matter how far she tries to run from it. As a child, she suffered immense trauma after witnessing the death of her parents—though between the blackout, the fact that she was alone in the house when it happened, and the presence of a certain porcelain doll, many (herself included) are convinced that she had a hand in this death. And when a similar event occurs at the home of a college boy who took advantage on her, it seems like the past is coming back to haunt her. As if that wasn't complicated enough, one of the officers on the case is Cole: Gabrielle's brother's new boyfriend.

The narrative shifts between Gabrielle and Cole as the case unwinds. On one side of the story is the frightened teen, convinced that she has somehow awoken something malevolent in the porcelain doll that still occupies a space on her bookshelf. As she tries to navigate the police's inquiries, she dares to pursue a relationship with Peter: a childhood friend with mental health struggles of his own. Meanwhile, Cole has troubles of his own, even beyond the fact that his boyfriend's little sister may be a murderer. His new relationship could also compromise his battle for custody of his young daughter, Isa. Before long, he has to choose whether to fight for Gabrielle and sacrifice his relationship with Michael, or fight to stay with Michael and leave the investigation. As the truth begins to come clear, another victim falls at the "doll's" hands, and Gabrielle's memories turn up surprising details.

Porcelain dares to walk a very difficult line in its involvement of real mental health struggles, and blending those with tinges of the paranormal is complex at the best of times. By and large, the book is compassionate but realistic about these struggles, while also being honest about what it's like to live with them and try to look after one's mental health. While it sometimes seems to play with and subvert the old tropes of mental illness being mistaken for demonic possession, it also leans into them in at times. The result is a waveform of tense, compelling scenes offset by (at least for this reader) discomfort with how the story may be falling into old traps. The fact that this is "Book 1" of a series makes me hopeful that this is a slow burn, and that what feels off-kilter may be elevated in future volumes.

THE SOUL THIEF
by S L Howe
Now available

Private investigator Mitchell Bishop has a strange case on his hands. His good friend, Dr. Warren Carter, has memories of doing something horrible to a young nurse named Rosie. But when Mitchell goes to investigate, there is no trace of the girl. However, life begins falling apart for Warren from there... and for Mitchell, whose engagement to Warren's sister Laura has ended under similarly bizarre circumstances.

As the Carter family falls apart and the police come in to investigate, another story is unfolding right under everyone's noses. A local photographer with a sideline in erotic photo cards welcomes in a new model... an innocent girl named Rosie looking to make money for her mother's medical treatment. But nothing is as it seems. The dead are visiting the living, people find themselves in places they don't remember going, and locals are gripped by strange and fleeting compulsions to do terrible things. And despite her seeming ignorance of everything going on, Rosie appears to be at the center of it. The answer lies in a long-buried story in Mitchell's past—but can he put the pieces together before anyone else he cares about is lost?

The Soul Thief is solid gothic horror of an M.R. James style. Using photography—then a relatively new technology—as a jumping-off point for something unknowable and terrifying brings it even more into its era. The horror itself, which is explained in the final chapters, is also an excellent (and ironic) catalyst for characterization. If anything gives me pause, it's that Mitchell's reactions to one of the final act twists feels a bit unbolstered. It's an understandably dramatic reaction thematically without quite enough character build-up to warrant it, which does detract from things a bit as we approach the final battle. But that's one tiny, floating observation in an otherwise fantastic book. The fact that I can call out one thread as slightly loose means that every other thread is extremely strong, and that's no mean feat. Lovers of A Ghost Story for Christmas will warm to this one instantly, and it's a perfect read for this darker time of year.

There are two things I'm an absolute sucker for: inventive tea blends and limited-edition seasonal Stuff. Chapters Tea & Co. has me covered on both fronts, regularly launching book-inspired seasonal and holiday tea blends. The 2024 holiday season sees the return of two of last year's limited-edition blends, plus a new limited blend and one that looks like it'll be sticking around for a while.

If you want to know more about the Candy Cane Forest and Gingerbread Bookshop teas, check out last year's reviews. For the new ones, read on. And if you decide to purchase anything, remember to use the code KARAD15 at checkout for 15% off your order. I do get a small kickback when you use this, but I also fully support Chapters both as a small business and because they give a portion of all their proceeds to mental health charities.

Caramel Cabin (Limited Edition)

The black teas from Chapters are always perfect for tea drinkers like me, who prefer their black tea very strong ("oversteeped," some might say). You don't have to make it this way for it to taste great; but if you do, it will actually survive the long steep and taste fantastic. Even the strongest of their black teas are surprisingly mellow, which is something I noticed with their Second Breakfast blend.

Caramel Cabin is coziness in a cup, and is a great alternative for people who want something akin to the Magical Library Butterbrew blend but aren't butterscotch fans. The caramel flavor is balanced out with a little bit of vanilla, and it's absolutely sweet and flavored enough to enjoy on its own. Though I have a feeling it would also make an amazing milk tea.

Buy Caramel Cabin (Limited Edition)

Starry Night Bedtime Blend

I'm not a big herbal tea drinker, but sometimes I need something relaxing and uncaffeinated. The Starry Night Bedtime Blend is Chapters' second bedtime blend, the first being the Shakespeare-inspired A Dream Within a Dream. That one smells fantastic with lots of apple notes; sadly, because the St. John's Wort in it interacts with one of my medications, I can't drink it. So I was hopeful that Starry Night would be a good alternative, and it definitely is.

Out of the bag, the peppermint and spearmint come more to the forefront. But the lemongrass is more prominent when steeped, with the chamomile and mints a little more subdued. While I imagine it's not as potent as A Dream Within a Dream, it's no slouch. It's a bit heavier on the lemongrass than I personally fancy, but it's still nice. And it absolutely will relax you, especially if you steep it strong, which is the main draw.

Buy Starry Night Bedtime Blend

Of the two, Caramel Cabin is (at least to me) the MVP. Get it while you can, and definitely pick up the other holiday blends while you have the chance! And if you've been putting off getting A Dream Within a Dream because of medical interactions, definitely give Starry Night a try.

I wasn't entirely sure whether doing a TBR round-up every month would work for me. But by God, it does. Not only am I getting through my reading pile (which is still expanding with more good recommendations!), I'm also getting my home library in order bit by bit.

No theme this month, as I realized constantly attempting to theme my TBR run-downs would prevent me from grabbing whatever looked most interesting next in the pile. So we've got a combo of things: a book that inspired a movie I love, a Doctor Who novel by a friend, and a weird little puzzle box book from a friend whose recommendations remain solid. Normally I'd have kept it to that nice round five, but the end of the month sort of snuck up on me.

Thanks to everyone who lends and suggests me books. As much as I love penning reviews and helping people find new books, I love being able to escape into things that friends pick for me.

BULLET TRAIN: A NOVEL
by Kotaro Isaka

After seeing the movie and finding out it was based on a novel, I had to give the original a read. The book has been waiting to be read for about a year.

Nanao (a.k.a. Ladybug) is pretty sure he's the world's unluckiest assassin, and today's "simple" job isn't doing much to change that outlook. He had one job: grab a suitcase off the Shinkansen, ride one stop, and get off. But nothing is ever simple for Nanao—because it turns out that suitcase is at the center of another, bigger job. The brainy Tangerine and his Thomas the Tank Engine-loving "twin" Lemon are in possession of the suitcase, as well as a young man who needs to be delivered to his dangerous dad alive (and who currently isn't alive). Meanwhile, an innocent-looking schoolboy known as the Prince is torturing a man named Kimura while Kimura's son's life hangs in the balance. Throw in a poisoner known as the Hornet (who may be two people) and another dead body, and it's going to take more than one stop for Nanao to make his exit.

As the story continues, with the action's location on the Shinkansen pointed out at the beginning of each chapter, the story's many different threads get knotted together more and more tightly. Some simply get tangled up in each other; others have been connected for literal decades. Even if Nanao isn't fully sure what's happened by the end, the reader gets a neatly tied-up parcel of darkly comedic crime.

Originally released in Japan under the title Maria Beetle, Bullet Train is a cinematic read in and of itself. Even if you haven't seen the film, you will feel like you're watching a movie. Isaka blends twisted humor with tense action and moments of genuine contemplation. Sam Malissa's English translation is flawless; nowhere does the reader get the sense that there's any distance between us and the original story. The best part, though, was discovering that there are more books connected to this one. Isaka's writing is downright addictive, and the other two books in the Assassins trilogy are going right in my reading list.

DOCTOR WHO: JOSEPHINE AND THE ARGONAUTS
by Paul Magrs

Penned by a lovely man and lovely friend—I am a year late to the party on this one. Maybe someday I'll read the things my friends write in a timely manner.

When the Third Doctor and Jo Grant attend a presentation at the British Museum, the last thing they're expecting is to be teleported into a world where Greek mythology comes to life. But that's exactly what happens when the MythoScope is unveiled. The Doctor and Jo are just two of four people drawn into this mythical landscape. But things are going awry, and the stories aren't playing out as they should—possibly because the Doctor's old foe, the Master, is also there and intent on becoming even more powerful than the gods of Olympus.

It's those very gods that the Doctor and Jo must petition for help, and soon Jo finds herself recast in the role of Jason, leading the Argonauts to search for the Golden Fleece and set the world of myths to rights. As the world of the MythoScope slowly falls apart around them, the Doctor attempts to make sense of their surroundings. Is any of this real? If so, where are they? And what will happen if the stories don't play out as they should?

Paul Magrs is never afraid to fill his stories with the absurd and the fantastical, and Josephine and the Argonauts is perfect for this. The story blends Magrs's unique style with the tone of old Third Doctor Target novelizations (right down to dubbing the character "Doctor Who" on more than one occasion). He's also an expert at writing in the voices of classic characters. Observant readers may even notice a few familiar faces recast into legendary roles—including what certainly appears to be an eleventh-hour cameo by a Magrs mainstay. The book ends on a surprisingly contemplative note. This story is more about theme than rigid canonicity, which feels right for this miniseries. If you're looking for tidy answers you can fit into a Wikipedia article, you'll struggle a bit with this; if you're along for the ride and fully invested in the concept of "Doctor Who goes into storybooks," you will be extremely satisfied.

THE RAW SHARK TEXTS
by Steven Hall

Recommended to me by friend and Crunchyroll coworker Paul Chapman on account of my adoration of House of Leaves. I started this one a while back, dropped it when life got to be Too Much, and finally decided to pick it up again.

Eric Sanderson wakes up with no idea who he is. His therapist informs him that he's experiencing a sort of fugue state—a loss of memory following the tragic death of his girlfriend Clio Aames—but a series of letters from someone close to him informs him otherwise. Letters from "The First Eric Sanderson" spin a very different tale of living infohazards, quests gone wrong, and a deadly shark that swims through concepts and devours your very being.

Led by notes from his first self, Eric sets off on a dangerous journey, masking with the identities of others and traveling through the liminal spaces under the world he knows. With the help of a long-absent professor and a woman all too similar to his dear departed Clio, Eric learns the truth living in the words and thoughts of the world around him. The zen art of bringing words to life, the terrors of the Ludovician chasing him, and a growing thoughtform of a human named Mycroft Ward all spin together into a frantic, dream-like adventure.

By the end, there are two completely valid ways to read The Raw Shark Texts. One is for what it is: a nightmarish fantasy adventure that waxes poetic on the power of words and concepts to alter our reality in very real ways. The other is as a treatise on grief and a search for meaning and control within it—no matter how tenuous our grasp, no matter how hard we must deceive ourselves. To me, though, the answer is equal parts of both. Much like the encoded fragment at the center of this story, The Raw Shark Texts really is two stories superimposed on top of each other, both feeding off each other in order to be whole, both equally true in their own ways. On top of all that, this book makes stunning use of the printed page. It's not often I get a literal visual "jump scare," but that happened several times throughout the book. It feels like the sort of book that reads you as much as you read it, and I get the feeling every reader will take away something both unique and compelling from their experience with it.

Art by Raine Szramski 

Generally when we write Forgotten Lives stories, we're told to keep it to the "prehistory" of Doctor Who. In other words, no references that would break the immersion of these being pre-Hartnell publications. But since this is just for me, and given my previous blog post and that it works rather well, I'll break that rule. Just this once.

Happy birthday, Doctor Who.

"When is your birthday, exactly?" Swan asked, completely unprompted.

The Doctor looked up from his book—something in an alphabet Swan didn't recognize—and ran a hand backwards over his short hair, as though clearing locks of his long wig out of his face. It must have been a motion of habit, as the wig in question was currently hanging from a peg on the hat stand near the TARDIS door. "I don't see why it's relevant."

"Curiosity."

"Hmm."

Swan bent her gaze back to her needlepoint. "Mine is the first of February."

The Doctor made another noncommittal sound. Swan couldn't tell whether that meant he'd grabbed the information and filed it away or ignored it completely. She'd only been a passenger on the TARDIS a little while, with her run-in with the Sisterhood of Karn taking place in a nebulous "not long ago," but she was already sensing changes in the Doctor. Well, not changes, she assumed. What she was seeing was likely the status quo, and the Doctor had deemed her familiar enough to witness it.

"It's just," she said again after a long silence, "that's the sort of thing you tell each other, isn't it? When you're friends."

"Is it? I wouldn't know."

He said it so casually. But he glanced at her as he did, as if expecting a riposte. She wasn't sure what that riposte might be. He sighed—was he disappointed?—and closed the book. "Mine is a long-lived race, Swan. Things like birthdays and age stop mattering after a while."

"I see." She remembered something about that. The Citizen, the man who'd taken her hostage assuming she had a connection to the Sisterhood, was apparently of this same long-lived race. The Citizen had been very indignant about it, this alleged longevity, but the Doctor's annoyance appeared to be of a different kind. "Even so," she pushed, "you must know when it is."

The Doctor tutted: an airy, theatrical sound that Swan had learned usually meant a monologue was incoming. "Birthdays. Really. For someone like me? Does a storm mark the anniversary of its birth? Do the planets pause their revolution to celebrate another journey 'round the sun? Did the Once and Future King have a birthday?"

"I expect he did," said Swan.

Another tut.

"Just because we don't know when it was doesn't mean he didn't have one. Everyone is born." Swan said the last with a sort of dramatic intonation she initially felt it deserved, like a great discovery laid out before fellow academics. But it wasn't all that clever, now that it was out in the air.

The Doctor looked at Swan, stunned to a degree that her statement hardly warranted. Then he frowned. Scowled, really. "Yes, well. It's a silly thing to get all worked up about, at any rate. You only get..." He eyed Swan, and for a moment she fully believed he'd done some quick maths in his head. "... a few dozen birthdays." Whatever maths he'd done, he opted not to share them with her. "Get hundreds, thousands, and they'll soon lose their appeal."

He turned on his heel and wandered into the depths of the TARDIS, and it wasn't until she was falling asleep in her room later that night that Swan pieced together what she might have done.

* * *

"You never told me when your birthday was," Swan said a few weeks later. It was a very different mood today. The Doctor was taking her to the theatre, though it was nothing like the theatres she was used to. It was a murder mystery by a writer born after her time, but whom the Doctor assured Swan would be everything for decades to come. As would the play. Now they were walking back toward the underground, the Doctor doffing his hat gallantly to fellow theatregoers who gawked at the two of them. Swan, for her part, had gone looking for an outfit more of the time and place, and found it pleasant to have all eyes on someone but her.

"You," the Doctor shot back with a smile between bows, "never told me why you wanted to know."

"I did."

The Doctor wagged a gloved finger at her. "You gave me an excuse. A decent one, but still not the real reason."

Swan frowned. "And you got cross. But you always get cross."

"Nonsense." The Doctor gestured to his whole person, as if to debunk her statement. "I'm a delight."

She fell silent. "Why were you so excited about this being performance one? You wrote it on my program."

"Ah. Well." The Doctor produced Swan's program from one of his coat pockets. "In years to come, that will matter. This show will run uninterrupted for years and years. Theatregoers of the future will have the performance number stamped on their program. Some will be in the tens of thousands."

"And people don't get bored of it?"

The Doctor shook his head, beaming. "Never. Never ever. I certainly haven't."

"So it won't lose its appeal after hundreds, or even thousands?" Swan asked pointedly.

"Of course n..."

Swan stared up at him. The Doctor stared back.

"... oh, don't look at me as though you've got me cornered with logic. You haven't got me cornered with logic."

"Do you know what I think?" Swan mused.

"I rarely know what you think, Mademoiselle Swan."

"I think you don't know when your birthday is."

The Doctor blanched. For a moment, his eyes flashed with fear that didn't reach the rest of his face. Then he smoothed his expression. "Nonsense."

"I don't think it's that you've had too many. I think it's that you've never had one."

"Listen." The Doctor pulled Swan out of the flow of pedestrian traffic. "I've just given you a lovely and educational evening out, one that most young students would be thanking their teachers for for days on end, and you decide to poke a stick in my bicycle spokes. That's not very upper-class of you." He huffed. "Or maybe it's extremely upper-class of you, I'm not sure."

Swan reached into her pocketbook. "Fine. You want the real reason. Here." She shoved a crumpled bit of fabric into his hand. "I wanted to know when to give this to you, but since you won't tell me... happy early birthday. Or belated. Or whenever."

He opened it up. It was a handkerchief, embroidered clumsily but caringly with rose garlands around the hem.

"Swan... this is..."

"It's dreadful, I know. I told you, I'm only good at reading and-"

The Doctor laid a hand on her head. "Thank you."

She beamed.

"... it is dreadful."

"Shut up."

The Doctor folded the handkerchief carefully and tucked it into a coat sleeve. "Why, though?"

"I... I used to make them for my parents. For their birthdays. And I realized..."

"Ah. Well." Even in his full regalia, wig and hat and gloves and all, the Doctor suddenly looked extremely awkward. "I was aiming more for 'austere tutor' than 'adoptive father,' but we must take what we get, I suppose."

Swan started to speak, but the Doctor cut her off. "Pick me a birthday, then."

"Sorry?"

"Not today," he went on with a wave of his hand. "It's already taken with something rather big."

"Oh." Swan thought. "Then... the 23rd of November."

"Why?"

"It's..." Swan smiled nervously. "The birthday of one of my favorite astronomers. Pierre Charles Le Monnier. He was recognized for his work before he was my age. Seeing all the work he's done since then has always made me think... well. Maybe I can do great things." She paused meaningfully. "And you've done that, too. So."

The Doctor coughed. "Well. I suppose it'll do. Though frankly, two masters of the cosmos on a single day feels a bit overcrowded."

Swan had learned to recognize the Doctor's moods, even if only a little. And she saw the smile he was pushing down, felt the lightness in his step as he walked her back to the entrance to the Underground. He was, if he'd allow himself to be, a bit happy.