I'm Finally GMing a Game
It will always strike me as a little ironic how the people most fearful of judgment tend to go into creative fields. Of course, it's also because many of us are so desperate for validation when it comes to our creative work. It means a lot to me when someone reaches out to me and says they enjoy my writing; at the same time, being in the same room while someone reads something I've written is nerve-wracking. Back when I still did acting and improv, that immediate feedback felt good. It's different when it's writing.
Gaming straddles the line between that. As a player, it feels like improv. But running a game is somewhere between that and, you know, writing. And while I've always wanted to run games on occasion for my friends, I've also been terrified to. I've given a lot of different reasons, all of which are true to some degree. I'm worried I can't "Yes, and" fast enough at a group. I'm worried I won't be able to manage all the mechanics of a game rather than just one character sheet or playbook. But let's be real: the real reason I'm afraid of GMing is because I'm terrified that my story and setting will suck, and I'll have to watch my friends be bored and disappointed in real time.
But that's something I'm gonna have to get over, because I've committed to running a game for a small group of friends. Womp, as they say, womp.
My system of choice is Girl by Moonlight, a Forged in the Dark system published by Evil Hat. I generally like Powered by the Apocalypse/Forged in the Dark games already, as I've mentioned elsewhere, because of how much focus is put on actually embodying your character and their role in the chosen genre. (I also love advancements being a product of risk and/or failure.) GBM has the bonus of being a genre-savvy magical girl system with multiple "playsets" to make it lean in whichever direction you prefer. Friend/regular GM/housemate Phoenix is currently running a game using the "Brink of the Abyss" playset (for your Sailor Moon type stuff), and I've been enjoying how that game flows.
I'll be using the "On a Sea of Stars" playset, which mashes up magical girl tropes with mecha and space opera. That is, as has been mentioned, pretty much perfect for me. The system is relatively easy to learn, especially considering the time I've spent watching Oxventure's Blades in the Dark. The pacing of the campaign (or "season") is actually quantified using meters and dice rolls. You start players with one of two types of missions. Once a certain meter gets to a certain level, you move up to a different tier of mission. What the main threat is depends on those meters.
The nerves have been nervy, even though my chosen gaming group is three (perhaps four) very close friends who I trust to both challenge and support me. I have a setting and a story I'd like to tell, and so far the response to the little intro I wrote up has been good. It's nice to see people getting excited to build characters in a setting I made (or, more accurately, am making). It's kind of the same feeling I got when I saw other Forgotten Lives writers absolutely nail my Morbius Doctor's character. It's like being seen and understood, in a weird way.
While the anxiety is still there and likely will be until I rip off the Band-Aid and run the first session, I did have something of a Eureka Moment as I was piecing things together via the system and the playset. If you've seen GLOW, imagine the moment Debbie realized that pro wrestling is a soap opera. That was me, realizing that (at least for me) a game guide is a series bible. I'm used to working with those because of my work with Obverse (and some upcoming stuff): guidance for what you should and shouldn't do to align your own original story with the constraints of the sandbox you've been given. Once that hit me, the planning side felt a little less daunting. I'm not "learning a system" anymore: I'm consulting a series bible. And I'm an old hand at that.
It's a little awkward to admit to anxiety about GMing when so many people do this as, like, kids. I've tried it once or twice, always short-form. Once it just ended badly because I didn't know how to do it; once was to beta-test a game and it was still messy because I still didn't know how to do it. But now, between games I've been in and games I've watched, I've had so many good examples of chill GMs and supportive players. This is pretty much the only capital-R Resolution I made for 2025. I will report back on how this goes, both how I like running GBM and how the game itself goes, if I survive.
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