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Resolutions for 2024

By 3:00 AM

 



I can't remember where I read this, because I can rarely remember where I read anything these days. Information just sort of amasses itself in one's head and an anecdote will roll out, anonymized, as needed. The point is, someone at some point said it's best not to attempt to make new year's resolutions. Or, at least, to make broader and more forgiving ones. Which I can understand. If you say you're gonna go to the gym three times a week or get up at whatever time of day your favorite business success podcast says the Pros do, and you fail to do so once, you're kind of more likely to give up. It doesn't matter how many times you're told that tomorrow is a chance to start again — the more rigid the resolution, the more dire the slip feels.

A part of me wants to make those rigid resolutions even so. Things like "Write x words per day," "Get x stories published," "Actually clean the whole house and start renovating." All things I want to be doing, all things that will feel crushing if I slip. To those who can set and meet resolutions like that: nice. You absolutely deserve to take pride in that.

But as much as every day is a new start, something about the turn of the calendar makes a girl want to make some kind of promise to herself. I'll try to do gentler promises, though. Maybe.


Value My Own Writing


I say I'll write, and then I fail to. Don't get me wrong, if there's a hard deadline, that story falls right the hell out. It's the ADHD. But if there's not a hard deadline, I tend to file the words that come out of my mind creatively behind everything else: behind news and features for other websites, behind my advising and editing work that helps other people write, hell, behind reading or paying bills or literally anything else. I know there's a part of my brain that insists that, if it's creative and it's mine, it's lesser.

Of course I know where that comes from; or rather, whom that comes from. In conversation with trusted friends, I could list off exactly whose voices those judgment calls come out in. Simply saying "I will write this many words a day or else" does not make those judgment calls go away.

Perhaps baby steps for this resolution, then: learning to admit that what I write perhaps has value. It's not world-changing. It's not revolutionary. But it doesn't have to be. Some of the creative work I hold nearest and dearest from others isn't going to usher in a new era of thought. It just hits right when it finds me. And there's no reason to assume my own words can't do that for someone else.


Leave Home More


Which is not to say I never leave home. I do. I have regular social things I go to. I visit friends. But when it comes to shopping, running errands, even just stepping outside, I tend to not want to. And that absolutely came with lockdown, followed directly by being in a position where I was looking after someone at the end of his life.

I value having a home I can afford. I like that there's room here for me and whoever. But I live not far from a nice historic area where I used to love to take walks. I used to make errand days into little outings with rewards. I admit that I've pulled kind of far inward, and maybe I've taken longer than is strictly necessary to push back against that. There are lovely things and people out there to see.


Cut Myself a Break


I'm sure I give off major former honor student energy to anyone who knows me. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way a lot: that I always have to be at 100% or I'm not doing enough, that if something goes wrong in my periphery there are good odds it's somehow my fault. The more I get to know people out in the world, the more I learn that that's an extremely relatable feeling. And guys, we can't all be the ones to blame for everything. We can't all be burning the candle at both ends.

If I could suggest one resolution to everyone, it would be for us all to cut ourselves a little slack. Yeah, there are some things you simply can't back down on. Responsibilities exist. And sometimes we legitimately do make mistakes that need correcting. But I realize that if I held anyone to the same standards to which I hold myself, they'd (rightly) really dislike me for it.

Maybe your friend's discomfort in your presence has nothing to do with you. Maybe you didn't misspeak as terribly as you think you did. Maybe your presence was actually appreciated when you hung out with your friends and you didn't talk too much and make a fool of yourself. And by "you" I mean me. But also you, if that resonates for you.

Goals are great. I have goals. But I also know that the majority of my aspirations take luck, timing, and potentially the say-so of someone who isn't me. I can't resolve that 2024 will finally be the year I land this or that gig I've been wanting for so many years, because that's not fully on me. But I can start by cutting myself a break. And for the new year, I hope you can do the same for you.

About the Author

Kara Dennison is an author, journalist, anime enjoyer, reader, guinea pig owner, and tea drinker. Not necessarily in that order.

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