Getting hacked kind of feels unpleasant.

 

Image courtesy Kevin Horvat

There was a time when I was all about following channels that busted tech support scams. One of my favorites is Jim Browning (not his real name), who's gone above and beyond to root out call centers and help people who have been scammed get their money back if possible. But he won't abide the misapprehension that only gullible people can be scammed. He even made a video about how it happened to him: the perfect storm of coincidence and being a bit tired.

As much as we like to pretend that we can't get harmed online as long as we're super careful, we're always one bad day away from getting got. Any time I have to double-verify an account, enter a code, or confirm to my credit card company that yes I really am pledging to that UK-based Kickstarter, I remember that. Because I would rather be mildly inconvenienced once in a while than have someone screw me over.

And last week someone screwed me over.

Years ago I toyed with having a Patreon. It didn't really work out. Friends were kind enough to get on board, but I realized that that sort of thing takes an established fanbase to be worth the effort that running a Patreon takes. So I shut down the creator side and stuck to being a patron of other creators, with a fairly nice run of podcasts and art that I'm happy to give money to on a monthly basis.

A little over a week ago, I got an alert that my payment method had been changed. And I panicked, because I hadn't done that. So I logged in and checked. And no, it hadn't been changed, and I was being billed properly. I couldn't find any sign of anything being altered by my account, so I assumed the email I received was itself a scam and ignored it.

Then last Thursday morning, I got an alert saying I'd received $900 in my creator account.

Initially I was confused. I'd shut it down years ago, after all. Had someone really found my page and thrown a donation at it in good faith? I know I have fans, but I'm pretty sure I don't have "$900 for no reason" fans, and I didn't feel right about offering nothing in return. I logged in, found that my creator page technically still lived, and saw the donation. I tried to return the money... but it had already been withdrawn. I checked my PayPal, and no, it hadn't.

... oh. The payment method. It was changed on the creator side.

I looked, and there was a Gmail address where my custom .com email should be. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure how to report it. And it seemed like whoever had used me to scam someone, it was done. I unpublished my page properly and told myself I'd look into the proper way to report the issue later that day, once I'd gotten some work done.

Unfortunately, Patreon got to me first and shut down my account. And now I've spent the last few days trying to prove that I'm me, that I don't even use my creator account, that I don't want a stranger's $900, and that I'd just like my account reactivated so I can give money to British podcasters and Midwestern movie riffers. I've already been asked for identifying information, which I sent, and now I wait.

So, fine, right? Once they see my personal info, they can prove I wasn't at fault and give me access to my account back, and we can all go back to normal. So why, in my gut, do I feel terrible?

Fortunately, plenty of friends explained it to me very well: hacking, especially the style of hacking that involves someone impersonating you to hurt someone else, is an invasion of privacy. It's messed up, and it never feels good to be taken advantage of. Pair that with the fact that getting hacked and/or scammed online is seen as a sign of being poorly prepared or gullible, and it's easy to feel guilty. I let it happen to me. I wasn't careful enough. I've spent the last few days going over that. I should have shut down my creator page properly, I should have looked more thoroughly when I got that email, I should have reported the issue immediately.

All, of course, ignoring that the hacker should not have used my account to steal hundreds of dollars from someone. Just as they shouldn't do it to anyone. We can protect ourselves, but never have I believed that me having a strong password or 2FA means that people with weak security deserve to get got. That's just gross.

So what is all this in aid of, especially on the blog of a writer and book nerd?

Well, first, watch yourselves. Because hackers and scammers are jerks, and it's getting easier to mess with people all the time.

Secondly, don't blame yourself if it happens to you. Like Jim Browning, you may get caught by coincidence and a bad day. Like me, you may make assumptions that you have things in hand that you don't. The list of people who deserve to have bad things happen to them is very small, and we do not dictate who lives on that list.

Thirdly and finally, not having my podcast backlog means I got a bunch of writing done. Which, small blessings, I suppose. But hopefully I will maintain that even when my account is straightened out. Because damned if I don't owe a lot of people a lot of things.

Mixed Drinks on Holiday

 

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I am a sucker for limited-edition and seasonal menus. That goes for mixed drinks as well, because God knows I like a nice drink. So, while on holiday this year, I made it a point to try as many seasonal (or otherwise special) mixed drinks as I could and see how they turned out. Some amazing, some Very Okay. Some quite expensive.

Seen above is an apple and ginger cocktail from the Noël Coward Theatre bar. I can't remember the specific name it was given, but it was the featured drink on the table tents. Very strong on the ginger, very light on the fruit, and mixed very strong. I had a second one waiting for me at the interval because it was very nice. But I'm also a fan of very strong things. Not the best of the trip, but certainly nice enough to have two.

Score: 3.5/5. Good for an evening out, wouldn't seek out ingredients to replicate it.

My first drink of the trip was the Winter Warmer in British Airways' business class from JFK to Heathrow. It was described as a mix of Scotch, cranberry, blood orange, and mandarin, and it had a little Christmas tree symbol next to it to indicate it was special for the season. I loved this, and it's partly because the Scotch was so prevalent in the mix. People who aren't big on whiskey flavor would hate this, which is fair, but it was very lovely.

Score: 5/5. Fantastic, does what it says on the tin.

The holiday drink at Chez Antoinette in Covent Garden was a French martini — basically a very frothy martini with strawberry flavor and a raspberry garnish. It was a little on the sweet side for me, but still nice. Enjoyers of very sweet and fruity drinks where you don't taste the alcohol as much would like this.

Score: 3/5. Perfect for someone, not for me.

The extremely lavish London Palladium panto had a themed drink, of course: simply called the Aurora Fizz, it was a £12 Chambord and Prosecco. Very sweet and fizzy. It was an okay midday drink, and Chambord tends to circumvent my aversion to overly sweet drinks. But it was very expensive for something so simple.

Score: 2.5/5. Would have been a 3.5 but didn't live up to the price tag.

I already highlighted the special drink at the Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon. Short version, enjoyed it. 4/5

Sadly, I forgot to snap a pic of the Ginger Jamboree, the themed drink for the Jingle Jamboree charity fundraiser held at the Loading Bar. But when you're less than ten feet from the Outside Xbox faves playing LEGO Party and sharing a table with a lot of like-minded new friends, snapping pics for the blog kind of falls by the wayside. This drink was more pastry-sweet than fruit-sweet, and reminded me (appropriately enough) of gingerbread.

Score: 5/5. I've never been disappointed by a Loading Bar drink, and tonight was no different. (Bonus points for the Assassin's Mead also being fantastic, but it's a menu mainstay.)

In hindsight, this blog post makes me sound like I drink a lot. And I truly don't. But that's what a holiday is for. And I'm definitely making a point of scouting out other special drinks in future.

I'm Reading Every Day in August - But This Time for a Good Cause

 

So, I read a lot. Pretty much every day unless I am seriously under the gun when it comes to work. So when I saw the American Cancer Society hosting a "Read Every Day in August" fundraiser, I thought... damn. Finally a fundraiser I can do.

Short of contributing to charity anthologies (which I love doing and hope to continue doing), there's not much I can do in terms of fundraising. Ever since I broke my ankle a couple summers ago, I can walk around the neighborhood fine, but I'm not walking or running any 'thons. It's the same reason I picked an English major in college: I know for a fact I can read, and read a lot.

So, starting on the 1st and ending on the 31st, I will not only be reading every day, but documenting what I read. You can look up those updates on my Facebook fundraising page, and I'll likely end up reviewing a lot of these for my August book review entry (and September, depending on how far ahead I get).

To address some questions:

Why this charity?
While I have some very specific charity interests — epilepsy, endometriosis, dementia, and literacy specifically — I don't know a single person who hasn't had their life affected by cancer in some way. I've lost family members to it. I'm a high risk for a variety of reasons. And, frankly, it's one I don't think many people can argue with.

What books will you be reading?
My first priority is my August ARC stack. After that, I'll likely move on to my September ARCs. If somehow I manage to plow through those, I have a lot of summer books that didn't make the review list, but I still want to read and review them online.

Don't you have a trip coming up?
Yes, as some of you know, I'll be at Whooverville this summer. (More on that later!) But I'll also be on a lot of planes and trains. So expect some of my reading updates to be on the road!

Can I still donate?
Absolutely. I'd love you to! Follow this link to go to my donation page. That money goes straight to the American Cancer Society. Every little bit helps. Please do drop a note if you donate!

I'd also love to hear more about fundraising events in future — be they readathons, charity anthologies, zines, etc. Please get in touch with me via social media if you're aware of an upcoming, reliably-run event along those lines!

Roll on 2025

 

photo by Kelly Sikkema

It would be nice to say 2024 was the best year yet, but I think I can content myself with saying it was a Pretty Okay Year. There are lots of things still in limbo, both personally and professionally, and I don't think I'm the only person for whom that's true. It's okay to be a work-in-progress.

The end of the year now is filled with Rewinds from every app imaginable. On reflection, that's not the worst way to be. So before I go on to the year ahead, I want to look back at where I've been. If that's all right with all of you, of course.

Published Work

One good thing about this year is that I'm properly back to writing outside of the day job. As much as I'd like? No. But that's something to work on in 2025 as well.

With an aim to have a much higher output this year, last year brought:

• Overdue: Mystery, Adventure, and the World's Lost Books: I was a contributor to this 18thWall anthology with my short story "Wholly Holy," about the search for Kyot's Parsifal. This is my second Perceval-adjacent story for this publisher, which I suppose means I need to write a third to complete my Arthurian triptych.
• Ice Hot: My second time editing an anthology, counting past charity volume Unearthed for Altrix Books. I always love working with Obverse, and having a bigger hand in Stephen Wyatt's world of Paradise Tower was an honor.

New Gigs

While I only had two new books under my belt this year, there are several more long-form things I'm involved in that I'm very happy about.

• Celestial Toyroom: The longest-running Doctor Who fanzine in the world was all right with an American weighing in, for which I will be eternally grateful. While most of my contributions are in the form of book and tabletop game reviews, I also pen other articles for them.
• The Black Archive: Obverse wanted to add a new editor to the team for their book-length Doctor Who studies, and I couldn't be happier to be aboard. I've already gotten to read and work on several titles from incredibly talented writers and academics, and more are in the chutes. (And yes, I will be writing some more myself in the near future.)
• Boss Rush Network: I miss the freedom that Sci Fi Magazine afforded me to talk about things outside the world of anime. So now I'm doing that over on BRN! I weigh in with book reviews, game reviews, coverage of Oxventure actual plays, and anything else geek-adjacent that strikes my fancy.

Not work-related in any way, but I also finally got to return to the UK last year—hopefully resuming my annual trips. I also got to meet several people whose work I admire, and (doubly nice) they were all extremely lovely. Maybe do meet your heroes actually.

The Year Ahead

One thing I've learned from years past is to be more forgiving about the goals I set. If I don't make them, that's okay. I wanted to write more last year, but the fact that I'm writing at all is frankly huge.

I definitely have more published work on the way in 2025, which I can say with confidence because it's stuff I've finished and sent to the publisher. Life and work are a bit more under control, so ideally in between fixing my leaking ceiling and chasing after my day job I can finally lock in all these projects that I owe people.

There are also some sort of high-reaching major goals I still have in mind. Stuff I'm not going to say aloud but that I'm going to keep working toward.

Thank you for all your support in the past year. I've gotten to hear from a lot of you over the last few months, and knowing there are people out there who like what I do makes me all the more determined to push ahead. Watch this space.

London 2024 Diaries

As I mentioned elsewhere, this month marks my first trip back to the UK in five years. (My last trip was 2019, do the math, etc.) I just got back late last night and spent a little bit of time in the evenings and mornings recording what I did. Because reader, it was a lovely trip, and just what I needed.

Big thanks to Mazz and Al, Dan, Liz, JC, Johnny, JJ, the Oxfam, Luke and Andy, and everyone who made me feel welcome during my time here. As I probably say somewhere way down there, you're all reminders of why I love this place so much.

20 October

Because I am someone who likes to have it all, I planned for my flight to leave after my Sunday D&D game. A couple hours' layover in NYC, then a surprisingly quick flight into Heathrow overnight. I stumped for World Traveller Plus because I've been saving up all year and could afford it. That just meant a little extra leg room, nicer dinner, and a drink on takeoff.

Usually I'm much more of a movie watcher on long-haul flights, but I just rewatched Addams Family Values and fell asleep to some episodes of Staged.

21 October

Arrived around midday and met up with the friends who are very kindly giving me use of their guest room. The cats also got reacclimated to me.

In another life I would have been desperate to see and do everything as soon as my feet hit the ground. Now, I'm more about taking it slow. I like to choose one or two things to do per day on these trips and spend the rest of my time being somewhere, anywhere, that isn't home. As much as I love home.

22 October

Today's goal: reacclimate to London. I've not been here since 2019 because things simply kept happening. I love this city, but getting used to it again after being a bit of a hermit for five years was going to take some work and I knew that.

So, Covent Garden. Bought a lot of tea. Had lunch at Chez Antoinette and dessert next door at Creme de la Crepe, watched some street performers, wandered, finished in the basement of Caffe Nero with a book and a drink. Plans were also made and dissolved rather quickly as I realized that going to Manchester or Bristol would take a lot more advance planning. Maybe next year.

23 October

Having failed to remember that the best holidays amount to 1-2 things per day plus relaxing, I ventured out into the city again. But most of my wandering was to kill time before going to see The Mousetrap. The show has been running for 72 years, and yet for some reason I'd never stopped to do the London thing of seeing it. Very glad I did.

For the uninitiated, it's an Agatha Christie murder mystery. Short version: a murder happens at a newly established guest house related to a very old (and very tragic) adoption case, and everyone present has a potential motive, a potential connection to the case, or both. Notably, theatergoers are told not to give away the twist (which I guessed, then second-guessed because there's lots of compelling evidence in lots of directions). If you fancy it, you can just find the ending on Wikipedia, but that doesn't seem sporting. The cast was great - Christopher Wren with his very Matt Smith energy was my favorite.

24 October

Two commitments today. The first was catching up with my old localization trenches buddy Jonathon Collis, who was in town to announce some J-Novel Club stuff at MCM. Four of us made a stop for a cake and tea buffet at Jack & Beyond. Which was excellent. (The pistachio and raspberry cake was my favorite.) I don't think JC and I have seen each other in person in nearly a decade. Always nice to catch up. Maybe in less than a decade next time.

Then off to the Hackney Brewery & High Hill Tap Room for Johnny Chiodini's game night. A very fab night of Bloodborne (I was terrible at it, but there were some absolute champs), pints, pizza, and new friends. Also Johnny's very lovely dog Watson was in attendance. (Johnny is also very lovely, but that feels a bit like a given if you've seen their streams.) If you ever get the chance, head out there for one of Johnny's game nights. It's a friendly, chill group. My one regret is that I live an ocean away; this would be a regular haunt for me otherwise.

25 October

Dan Long came to town for some sightseeing! He is the fella behind Insert Coin Clothing as well as being a fellow guinea pig owner. We looked at lots of animal skeletons at the Grant Museum of Zoology. Very weird, very cool. All praise the jar of moles.

Beyond that, it was casual sightseeing and buying a few little gifts for friends. It was a slower day than usual, mostly by my own design, since I knew I only had three full days left in the country and I wanted to ration out my energy a bit. One big plan a day for the next three days. I did eat something called a "monster whip," though. It was pretty good.

26 October

Today was a long-overdue meeting with Liz Evershed, with whom I worked on the City of the Saved anthology Stranger Tales of the City. (This also serves as proof that, if I miss you on a trip and say "next time," I will make it happen - even if it takes literal years.) Liz took me on a tour of the London Library, an independent lending library housing something like one million volumes. Lots of legendary writers would come here to do research and reading, and their photos are all over the place.

There's also a collection of every issue of the Times ever printed, so I searched out the day I was born. Turns out something kinda major was going on in England on that day, so color me educated. Lots of big regrets stacking up - much like I wish I was local to High Hill Game Night, I wish I was local to this. And had a membership. So many lovely little corners to hide in and read or write.

27 October

Today, you see, was the Halloween live for Mom Can't Cook, one of my two favorite podcasts. (The other is also two grown men discussing things they will probably hate, funnily enough.) Gathered with other fans beforehand and put a lot of faces to screen names. And apparently, even if I am not a famous author, "Kara Dennison" is known among Oxboxtra fans. Which was a thing to quickly sort out in my Negroni-addled brain. (In all seriousness, lovely lovely people, a friendly fandom I'm privileged to be a part of.)

The show itself was magnificent. The movie of the episode was Halloweentown High, which I squeezed in a watch of beforehand. (Once the recording of the episode has aired, I'll put a link to it here.) Luke and Andy were Halloweened up as Brink and Val from Brink! and performed a scene from it (twice). Also got to meet them afterwards and reader, they are lovely and gracious gentlemen. I've had experiences that make me very nervous about meeting my faves, but this was not one of them. I will be back for another live show. Even if the Christmas one is a bit too soon to turn around and travel again.

28 October

And woe, it is my last full day here. Met up with friend JJ (the one that lives in a castle) for a bimble around town. The rain, my bad ankle, and the fact that two things we wanted to visit weren't happening after all put a crimp in our plans. But we did find a nice ramen and curry place, do some Christmas shopping at Fortnum & Mason, and stop for tea and wagashi and gossip about The Old Days Of Anime Cons. (We also wanted to find the Monty Python foot at the National Gallery, but the line just to get in was all the way up the block.)

All that being said, that is truly one of my favorite ways to see London (or any place, really). Destinations are nice, but taking a slow wander with a friend is nicest. As much as I'll be glad to be home with familiarity, I am always sad to say goodbye to England - more so now that I've been back for the first time in five years.

29 October

And a final day of travel. British Airways was on the prowl at Heathrow for people who wanted to upgrade their seat for cheap and... after all, why shouldn't I? For cheap ish. Finally saw Argylle and then watched several episodes of The Traitors.

Being home is always weird. I'm back to the house I grew up in and that I've lived most of my life in, but it always seems both bigger and smaller once I'm home. I love traveling, and I love England. But also I love coming home after clearing my head.

Now, I plan for next year.

Five Years Since London

 

Back in 2019, bestie Ginger asked if she could tag along with me on my next trip to the UK. Of course I said yes. I went every couple of years just because, and she had never been overseas. As far as she was concerned, it would be her only time getting to. And on the plane back, she was already talking about "next time."

As far as we were concerned, next time would be next year. The Cubs (her favorite baseball team) were scheduled to play an exhibition game in London. Well. Of course I'd be happy to go with her. No need to even ask.

Then 2020 happened, and the only real plus side was that we hadn't bought any tickets in advance.

A lot has happened since then... globally, yes, obviously. But now the man who raised me has passed away, I own the house I grew up in (and its many leaky creaky bits are my responsibility to repair), and my finances are finally such that I can travel again. But it's really, really strange how something that became so second-nature to me half my life ago can become so foreign after five years.

I remember my first trip to the UK: something I assumed would be once-in-a-lifetime. It was Christmastime, I spent most of the trip up in Manchester with friends and made London a relatively brief visit, and even getting stranded in a few spots on the way back due to flights being cancelled didn't ruin it. It was a trial-by-fire solo trip there and back. But after everything that happened, subsequent trips felt easy.

On one trip, I recall leaving a friend's club in London, several white wines and a lot of conversation I've mostly forgotten later, and making it home to my friends' place a few stops outside the city without getting lost or turned around. And picking up sushi to go along the way. For me, someone who's clumsy and forgetful and always has been, it was weirdly empowering to conquer a major city that way. (Never mind that the tube makes it extremely easy to traverse London—I'll take my victories where I can.) Whatever the reason, and despite my general distaste for big cities, London has become a place where I feel surprisingly okay.

And yet 2020 did a number on all of us. Even now, I still get anxiety about going out to run errands. I feel weird about it being the "first time" to do something since then. It's not the first time getting on a plane since 2019, fortunately; that was for Ginger's wedding. And for a bit, as I was weighing up locking down the ticket, I felt serious anxiety. Like I'd never done this before. Like I was in my 20s again and facing down something totally new. And I wonder how long it will be like that for each of us. Four going on five years later, what will be our First Time Since?

For what it's worth, the anxiety is gone, because I remembered how much I love touching down in London and seeing all those familiar people and places. I've got tickets to (what I swear is going to be) a very cool show, I've got my new clothes bought, I have plans and plans-for-plans with friends I've not seen in ages. And yes, there will be photos and blog posts.

I started writing this freeform because I wasn't sure what to say this week—I'm between books and tea samples and publications, and other things I'd like to talk about long-form haven't really progressed enough for a deep dive. But I'm trying to be better about always having something lined up, even if that means talking a lot of nonsense. I suppose this is to acknowledge that we've all got things we're coming back to, even now. And I hope whatever it is you're coming back to, it goes well.

And also that I'll be in the UK for a bit next month and I can't wait.

Resolutions for 2024

 

I can't remember where I read this, because I can rarely remember where I read anything these days. Information just sort of amasses itself in one's head and an anecdote will roll out, anonymized, as needed. The point is, someone at some point said it's best not to attempt to make new year's resolutions. Or, at least, to make broader and more forgiving ones. Which I can understand. If you say you're gonna go to the gym three times a week or get up at whatever time of day your favorite business success podcast says the Pros do, and you fail to do so once, you're kind of more likely to give up. It doesn't matter how many times you're told that tomorrow is a chance to start again — the more rigid the resolution, the more dire the slip feels.

A part of me wants to make those rigid resolutions even so. Things like "Write x words per day," "Get x stories published," "Actually clean the whole house and start renovating." All things I want to be doing, all things that will feel crushing if I slip. To those who can set and meet resolutions like that: nice. You absolutely deserve to take pride in that.

But as much as every day is a new start, something about the turn of the calendar makes a girl want to make some kind of promise to herself. I'll try to do gentler promises, though. Maybe.

Value My Own Writing

I say I'll write, and then I fail to. Don't get me wrong, if there's a hard deadline, that story falls right the hell out. It's the ADHD. But if there's not a hard deadline, I tend to file the words that come out of my mind creatively behind everything else: behind news and features for other websites, behind my advising and editing work that helps other people write, hell, behind reading or paying bills or literally anything else. I know there's a part of my brain that insists that, if it's creative and it's mine, it's lesser.

Of course I know where that comes from; or rather, whom that comes from. In conversation with trusted friends, I could list off exactly whose voices those judgment calls come out in. Simply saying "I will write this many words a day or else" does not make those judgment calls go away.

Perhaps baby steps for this resolution, then: learning to admit that what I write perhaps has value. It's not world-changing. It's not revolutionary. But it doesn't have to be. Some of the creative work I hold nearest and dearest from others isn't going to usher in a new era of thought. It just hits right when it finds me. And there's no reason to assume my own words can't do that for someone else.

Leave Home More

Which is not to say I never leave home. I do. I have regular social things I go to. I visit friends. But when it comes to shopping, running errands, even just stepping outside, I tend to not want to. And that absolutely came with lockdown, followed directly by being in a position where I was looking after someone at the end of his life.

I value having a home I can afford. I like that there's room here for me and whoever. But I live not far from a nice historic area where I used to love to take walks. I used to make errand days into little outings with rewards. I admit that I've pulled kind of far inward, and maybe I've taken longer than is strictly necessary to push back against that. There are lovely things and people out there to see.

Cut Myself a Break

I'm sure I give off major former honor student energy to anyone who knows me. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way a lot: that I always have to be at 100% or I'm not doing enough, that if something goes wrong in my periphery there are good odds it's somehow my fault. The more I get to know people out in the world, the more I learn that that's an extremely relatable feeling. And guys, we can't all be the ones to blame for everything. We can't all be burning the candle at both ends.

If I could suggest one resolution to everyone, it would be for us all to cut ourselves a little slack. Yeah, there are some things you simply can't back down on. Responsibilities exist. And sometimes we legitimately do make mistakes that need correcting. But I realize that if I held anyone to the same standards to which I hold myself, they'd (rightly) really dislike me for it.

Maybe your friend's discomfort in your presence has nothing to do with you. Maybe you didn't misspeak as terribly as you think you did. Maybe your presence was actually appreciated when you hung out with your friends and you didn't talk too much and make a fool of yourself. And by "you" I mean me. But also you, if that resonates for you.

Goals are great. I have goals. But I also know that the majority of my aspirations take luck, timing, and potentially the say-so of someone who isn't me. I can't resolve that 2024 will finally be the year I land this or that gig I've been wanting for so many years, because that's not fully on me. But I can start by cutting myself a break. And for the new year, I hope you can do the same for you.

Bone-Healing and the Like

 

It's been almost six months since I broke my ankle and that sucks. It's not the worst it could be, and that sucks less. But after a couple months in an air cast, it wasn't healing. So my doctor hooked me up with a little take-home ultrasound machine that, according to many, can help with making bones knit back together.

The reasoning behind why the fracture isn't healing is, I assume, down to the surgery I had about ten years ago. Thanks to Stage IV endometriosis, I had to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I knew at the time that early-onset osteoporosis would be a potential issue, but I had no plans to fall off my porch and snap my ankle, so beyond taking extra calcium I wasn't worried about it.

(The orthopedist and his various assistants always ask if I'm a smoker, which I'm not. That's the more mundane reason for bones not healing.)

So I've been using this little machine for going on two months. With three months programmed into it.

So how does it work? I'm not fully sure. Something about ultrasound.

The machine comes in a zip-up case with all sorts of trinket. The machine itself, which has a curly cord (like an old phone) with a magnet on the end. There's also a velcro strap with a port that the magnet fits in, and a bottle of ultrasound gel. You strap the velcro thing around the broken limb, with the port centered over the fracture. You put gel on the magnet, pop it in the port so the magnet is right over the fracture (making contact with the skin), and snap it shut. Then you turn the machine on and it zaps your bone with ultrasound waves for 20 minutes.

The idea is that you do this around the same time every day, and the ultrasound waves joggle your bone cells and make 'em grow. It works for about 80% of patients if you use it every day like you're supposed to and keep those bone cells joggled.

I do mine first thing in the morning before I get out of bed. Make a cup of tea in the little copper kettle on my nightstand, blast my leg with science, and listen to a podcast. (Usually Mom Can't Cook or Who Shat on the Floor at My Wedding in case you're curious what a cozy early morning in the Dennison household is like.) It doesn't really feel like much of anything, which is probably for the best.

Sadly, 60 days in, there's minimal growth across the fracture. Some. Not none. But minimal. There's every possibility it's human error and I'm just placing the magnet wrong (and I double checked with the orthopedist and had him point to the exact spot where the magnet needs to be so I can target it better because "where the pain is" is kinda broad). It's also possible I'm one of the unlucky 20% for whom it doesn't work.

So what now? I've started wearing the aircast again when I'm at home, pretty much constantly, so I don't (deliberately or accidentally) flex it funny. I'm being more persnickety about making sure the magnet is exactly on top of the fracture during the morning bone-zapping. I know for a fact this has done the trick for at least one friend, so I'm on deck to keep giving it a go if it means potentially avoiding surgery.

I've had five surgeries so far in this life, not counting wisdom teeth. That's not as many as lots of people, but I'm kind of feeling done.

All things considered, I share this because I'm fascinated by the science. Because maybe it will still have helped me in the end. Because maybe it might help someone else, or hell, it might jog a cool sci-fi idea. It's kind of neat to know that we can use little magic machines to potentially heal bones. Very Star Trek. As they say, we live in the future. Sometimes that doesn't suck.

State of the Site: Winter and Beyond

 

Between having a nasty cold (and fortunately nothing worse), catching up to work, and other such things, I've been weighing how I'm going to be approaching blogging and social media going forward. I've been off the writing wagon for about two years for Various Reasons. The drought is about to shift (as in something is going to the printer shortly), and I have writing and editing work I'm getting back to as we speak.

That said, there are still things I want to do here on the blog. I want to update y'all on things I have coming out, because apparently there are people out there interested in reading what I write. I want to keep reviewing new books, because I miss getting to spread the word about books and authors like I used to when Sci-Fi Magazine was still a thing. At the same time, I want to make sure this blog is pulling its weight as a way to connect with people and get the word out about things, and not becoming simply a time sink.

So going forward, here are my plans:

Blog Posts Will Be Once a Week

With occasional surprise updates when something like an extremely limited book pre-order goes live, or if I'm signed up for a book tour on a day other than Wednesday. Going forward, the plan is to have a post every Wednesday covering something a little more concrete, rather than posts 3-ish times a week covering one thing.

This also gives me time to get back to other things I'm working on: revving Altrix Books back up, working on writing projects behind the scenes, and also a secret third thing.

Book Reviews Will Be Once a Month

And ideally it will be the first Wednesday of the month. I'm going to be adopting a format closer to what I did with Sci-Fi, covering and rating several books at one go rather than spreading them out as I read them. Ideally I'll be doing five per month — or at least leaving room for five per month. This month will be a bit different since we're into it; I'll be putting my review out once I've got all five reviews ready.

I have lots of great resources for ARCs, but I'm always happy to have more sent to me! If you've got a copy of something coming out that you'd like for me to review, hit me up on your social media app of choice. I'm all over the place.

I'd Like to Share Some Original Fiction

Once I'm caught up to everything, anyway.

I have a lot of very specific things I owe people. But once those things are done, I want to start submitting to anthologies, getting some story ideas out of my head and onto the page, and maybe just dicking around with turning some tabletop campaigns into a readable format for others. I don't know, I just wanna mess around some once I'm up to speed.

Whether I'll offer that on here, or as something on SubStack, I haven't decided yet. Once my feet are a bit more under me, I'll figure it out. But given the nature of writer life and the fact that I intend to start hammering submissions to anthologies again, I'm sure I'll find myself with a few stories in need of readers.

Fewer Sponsored/Merch Posts

As much as I appreciate people wanting to work with me and send me samples, I want to start narrowing that way down. There are two or three groups max I want to work with regularly because I actually do use their products as part of my day-to-day... and because they appeal directly to my book nerd vibe. This will also help me and the blog stay more focused.

I still love anime stuff, and I'll still cover manga and my journalism on here when it's relevant. But I don't really wanna be an influencer, and my work keeps me comfortable enough that I don't actually need to hustle on Instagram to pay the mortgage. There was a time when it was looking that way, but I'm doing pretty all right.

Thanks as always for hanging in there with me over time. I'm looking forward to having some very cool news for you about several things soon.

Something more personal.

Lately, I've been posting less and less personal stuff on here. I think there are a lot of reasons for that.

On the surface, there's the fact that I'm back to reading more and, while I do work with IndieReader on a few reviews each month, I don't have the platform I once had to share book reviews. I like sharing my thoughts on books, partly because I know what it's like to try to get people to read your work, partly because it helps me continue to process what I like and don't like in literature and apply that to my own writing.

There's also the fact that I haven't been writing as much lately. I'm a couple thousand words from proving to myself that I've slain two years of writer's block. And perhaps when that's shifted, I'll be able to talk more about things I've made that I'd like you to see. But the need to be present and the embarrassment of being a writer who doesn't write leads to seeking out anything to fill that gap. I at least attempt to go for things that people will like and that would make me happy anyway. But it hurts that I have less to say after having done less.

Deep down, though, I think it's a worry that dipping into anything that isn't "Read this book!" or "Try this thing!" will scratch too close to things that aren't for public consumption. For what it's worth, I don't believe we should bottle up our pain or our grief or our difficulties. But there are "proper" channels for expressing those things—for our own good, not to "keep us presentable." Venting rarely makes me feel better; gaining understanding does. There are venues for that, and I'm fortunate to have them. Everyone needs those venues for processing.

In my case, the processing is still underway. It finds its way into the things I create, and probably always will. But there's a difference between that and laying it all out for the world to see in a public forum. I've flown very close to that recently. Possibly too close. Until those things are at least slightly more in my rearview, "personal" posts will require a lighter touch. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

But to that end, I wanted to put something out there that isn't just me telling you to look at other things.

How's the Writing?

It's better. I'm coming out the other side of two years of writer's block, which exists for the same reasons I'm keeping "personal" things closer to the chest. I'm coming to the end of Project 003, a short story for an unannounced publication, very soon.

Ginger and I are redoubling our efforts to collaborate on fun things to look at. One of my "in progress" languishing works is part of that. There will be more Owl's Flower. There will also be this. I'll call it Project Gremlin for now. But there are a few structural things we want to do to really get everything out there. I'll admit I feel abysmal at how bad a collaborator I've been in this time. I look forward to changing that.

I also owe Obverse and 18thWall - two publishers I love working with and whose owners I am happy to count among my friends - several works of varying lengths. Project Dutchman and Project Quiet are similar in style but different in practice. Project Taured will be a fun one - also languishing half-finished, but one that I think you'll enjoy if you've liked my other 18thWall work so far.

Once I'm caught up to what I owe people and have a more balanced schedule of writing, day job, and seeking out places to submit stories to, I'm considering opening up a SubStack where I can test ideas out as serialized stories. Forgotten Lives readers know I'm a sucker for that format. I still haven't decided yet, though.

How's Life?

I'm back into the full swing of making something of my family home. Earlier this week I finally cleared the IKEA bed out of the small third bedroom I intend to turn into a cozy library/writing room. Can't wait to share pictures of that. I'm going to overdecorate it and fill it with candles and a big comfy chair.

The fairest way to say how I'm doing on the life front without broaching my own privacy barriers is "I persist." More and more, I believe that's a big deal.

What's Next?

Once my wits are about me, a lot of things. I'd like to do something to present my book reviews in a more accessible way—whether that means a separate blog/site or something else, I don't know yet. I also want to look at doing personal seasonal reading recs, especially with spooky season kicking in. My own library is flooded with unhinged horror, so I should very much like to share.

Conventions are still off the cards for now, but I'm hoping they won't be forever. That's the only way I'm going to be able to do a lot of things and see a lot of people. But I know I won't be staffing them ever again; 

I do have some things coming out in print. Two from 18thWall in the nebulous future, and some things from Obverse in a similarly nebulous future. Altrix is also getting back on its feet, as both Paul Driscoll and myself have been through it lately. But there are plans.

Wherever it is you're at in your life, I hope things are going as well as is possible. And I hope soon I'm writing more things that give you a lift in case things aren't going as well as they could be.

What I Learn by Reviewing Other People's Books

 

I miss being the book reviewer for Sci-Fi Magazine. It's been almost a year since the publication unceremoniously shut down, and while there are lots of things about that that make me sad, losing that position is one of them. Not just because of the position (though saying "I write the book review column for Sci-Fi Magazine" did impress people and that was fun). But because I had a platform to introduce people to more than just big-name genre titles by well-known authors. I went out of my way to share lesser-known works that absolutely deserved eyeballs, and I was happy for a chance to do that on a broad scale.

But I also got a lot out of it. And while I was initially going to give up writing book reviews now that I had only my blog to share them on, I didn't want to lose that learning experience. If anything, with the extended creative block I've been enduring, I need that more than ever. And while the results aren't showing yet, the learning experiences are stacking up.

If you are a writer or want to be a writer, I recommend learning to write reviews. Even if you don't share them. Because the more you engage with other people's writing on a critical level, the more your own writing will improve.

A long time ago, I was told that if a certain behavior in someone really annoys you to an illogical extreme, there are good odds that you dislike that same behavior in yourself and are recognizing it subconsciously. While I don't believe this is an absolutely infallible rule, it does hold some merit. And I absolutely take it into account when something bugs me about a book I'm reading.

In fairness, sometimes a book just has errors. I've read a good number of books with little to no proofreading, stilted dialogue, characters' motivations spelled out for the reader as though the author thinks we're incapable of critical thought... those things stick out. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about more subtle, common, even forgivable errors. It drives me mad when an ending is rushed, when an intriguing piece of story isn't given ample time to stretch, when there's plenty of occasion for the author to motivate a character in a certain direction but relies on narrative causality anyway... and when I go back and read my own work, I notice that those are my own most common shortcomings.

Whenever I see something in a book that bugs me that much, and it's not structural or academic, I make a note of it. Then I go and look through my own past work to see if I can spot the same issue in my own writing. And yeah. I can. Quite a bit. And while it's fair to mention those things in my review of the book I've read, it's also a high sign for me to push myself to improve there.

The review process is also a never-ending crash course in learning the difference between what's bad vs. what's not to my tastes (and, inversely, what's good vs. what is to my tastes). This was something I had to learn quickly in my book review position. 

One of the first books I reviewed was the exact kind of story I'm personally weary of—both thematically and in terms of overexposure of a trope—but my weariness of it does not influence the quality of the story. The question is never "Did Kara like this book," unless someone specifically asks me for my personal opinion. The question is, "Would someone who's trying to decide whether to pick this book up like it?" And someone who would be intrigued by the cover, the title, and the dust jacket blurb would definitely have liked it. Because they would specifically be seeking out the tropes I was tired of. There were some things to critique about the book in terms of pacing and realizing its own goals (which I'll get to in a bit), but my own personal feelings didn't apply.

Similarly, me liking a piece of media isn't the same as it being objectively good. I enjoy some real trash once in a while and I have no problem admitting it. We all have things we excuse because it's our vibe. And sometimes I read a book that's so my jam that I personally can ignore its structural shortcomings. But that doesn't mean they aren't there, and that doesn't mean that every reader is willing to be that much of an apologist for things they enjoy.

I briefly mentioned the issue of whether or not a book achieves the goals it sets out for itself, and that's another thing I've had to bear in mind. What is a story's goal, and does it get there? As with separating my taste from the objective quality of a book, I also have to separate a story's goal from what I'd like the story's goal to be.

For example, I read a book (which will go unnamed as I reviewed it for a specific publication and didn't review it that highly) which put all its eggs in one basket to the point of seemingly establishing a very clear theme. Then, with its final chapter, it seemed to lean into another that worked directly counter to what it had been building to the whole time—and not in a subversive way. Then there was an author's note carefully explaining that yes, the first theme was the intent... but if you need an author's note to explain the entire point of your book to the reader, something is up.

Occasionally, a book's goalposts are pretty bad, and that does need to be accounted for, too. I'm pretty sure I once read and reviewed someone's breakup book (again, will not be giving title or author). The author's goals were clearly to establish that humans will always be bad, women are all the same, and he'd be happier living alone in the forest with a loaded gun. He absolutely pitched straight through his own goalposts with confidence and not a shred of irony. This was one of the rare situations where meeting the book on its own terms just didn't feel right. And you will encounter that sometimes, and it's fair to call that out when you do. That requires the critical thinking to know when a book doesn't see eye-to-eye with you and when the author is just a mess.

With all that said, this has made me think much more about my own goals with every story... even if a story is meant to be a tie-in or a fun one-off or not particularly deep. What do I want to leave the reader with? How do I want them to feel as they go about their day? If I have characters who think and act counter to my own values (which is gonna happen all the time if there's ever going to be conflict and stakes), am I still managing to get my own feelings out there? I look back at stories like The Tale of Sir Hedwyn which, while fun to write and an interesting character piece, betrayed a level of hopelessness that I don't really vibe with. Everything else I've written for the City of the Saved line so far is a direct answer to that first story: attempting to inject hope back into the setting. The horrors persist, but so do we.

Again, this never has to be particularly deep thought, but it's fair to ask where you're leading the reader and what you're leaving them with. Hope? Fear? Curiosity? What will their day be like after they put down your book? The more I ask that, the more I find myself wanting to codify an answer for even the smallest writing projects.

At the end of all this, I want to remind people that rating and reviewing books—on Amazon, GoodReads, and so on—is one of the best ways to help an author. Especially an indie author. And reviewing books is one of the best ways to help you learn to engage with your own writing and the writing of others. It's certainly doing it for me... hopefully to a point that there will be movement soon on projects.